Farewell Grandmom Bell

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So thats it, you’re gone. Its funny, I started working on a family tree a couple of years ago and there were so many questions I wanted to ask you, so much I realized I didn’t know about your life. I kept meaning to ask you these questions, to get to know you, but I didn’t. Our phone calls seemed like the wrong time to do it because I didn’t call much and those were catch up times plus keeping you on the phone more the ten minutes was a chore, of course I always meant to call more, but when we think we have time we neglect to do those things. We get so caught up in ourselves and our lives that we forget to make time for those we love.

I came to visit you last August because your grasp on life was slipping away and I honestly didn’t know how to react. On the days leading up to my trip I thought about all the things I wanted to say to you because it might have been the last time I saw you alive, and it was. But words failed me, I froze up, and all that was left was me clumsily trying to help take care of you. I covered your feet with a blanket, I brought your drinks to you, I tried with those small actions to say everything that was in my heart. I don’t know if you heard me but I hope you did.

All I’m left with now is memories. Memories of your famous home made pancakes, your love of Passions, General Hospital, and Days Of Our Lives, how you would affectionately call me a coon, and memories of summers long ago passed when life was simpler and you were still here.

My aunts, uncles, cousins sometimes tell me things about your life that you never personally shared with me. In those moments I get a glimpse of someone I never knew. I always wondered why you didn’t share anything about your life with me. Was it because I didn’t ask? Was it because of our distance? Were you just a private person like me? I’ll never know but I have to admit it hurt a little. Part of me feels like I never knew you. And the chance to get to know you is passed.

You leave behind a big family. A family that will never forget you and how you cared for all of us. Thank you for everything, I love you, and I’m glad you are finally at peace.

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