The final months of 2016 and the beginning months of 2017 were very trying and marked the end of an era for me.
I was swinging between depression and mania, I impulsively quit a job that was bad for my mental health, I lost my apartment, went through 3 jobs in 2 months, was misunderstood by family and friends, kicked out by my family, slept on the street and in hotels for awhile, taken in by a shelter, found stable employment, got a new place, found a therapist who has opened my eyes to communities such as the hearing voices and antipsychiatry movement, my psychiatrist is not that great but I advocate for myself, and basically, after all that hell, things are looking up.
I’m starting over from scratch. Most people talk about putting the pieces back together but I don’t want to put the pieces of my old life back together. It was full of toxic relationships, bad mental health professionals, bootstrapping when it was wiser to change course, medications that were doing more harm than good, low self confidence, begging to be accepted, and listening to people who don’t live with my illness or more importantly live my life.
Through adversity I have begun to discover myself. I have become more grounded more self aware and was forced to face some harsh truths. I had been living in a fairly tale world propped up by people who choose to lie to themselves but I can’t or won’t do it anymore. I don’t know where I’m headed or where life will take me but, although it isn’t perfect, the life im building is one I am fighting tooth and nail for, one I feel contentment with. I’m finding my peace, what works for me, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.