Fall Melancholy

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Its hit me the other day. I woke up hopeful, refreshed, ready to tackle the day. I grabbed a cup of coffee, sat down at the computer, and it hit me out of nowhere, the fall melancholy. I sat at the computer and decided to distract myself, no, I decided not to be productive. The sadness that enveloped me gave me a “fuck it I don’t care about anything” energy. I wasn’t home, I was at a nonprofit supposed to be looking for a job but I was on facebook, reddit, and news sites. Eventually I decided to have one of the employment specialists look over my cover letter. I threw myself into improving it and the sadness lifted a little. I got a conditional job offer not too long after that and a request for a drug test, so I went to complete that. The movement of that afternoon let me escape the low mood. I felt content and accomplished for the day. But I know it will be back, it always starts with morning depression and evolves into all day depression. It turns me dispassionate, angry, and suicidal. I’m on meds so maybe a bump up can do damage control. The fall is always the beginning, winter is the worst of it, and then the spring brings a nice hypomania. Hello fall melancholy, I knew you’d be back.

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