Two Fridays ago, the clouds lifted. I’m going to attribute it to reaching the therapeutic level on my mood stabilizer but its nonetheless a happy occurrence for me. Anyway, two weeks ago, actually it started about a week before that something happened. I’ve been unemployed since September and although I went on many interviews, nothing was panning out. But three weeks ago, I started to have this feeling, hearing this little voice, telling me to not give up, that something was on its way. I felt optimistic, I felt motivated, I felt confident in my ability to find something. The following week I landed a job.
Following that my depression and suicidal ideation completely disappeared. I was taking a shower one night and it just hit him how silly it was that I ever considered suicide. I saw my entire life stretch out before me, the years, decades, left for me to achieve. The feeling of actually wanting to achieve something. I’ve been in a nihilistic funk for years now and its gone. The nihilist memes I see on my facebook feed are still entertaining but I don’t really identify with them anymore.
I’ve been taking steps to take care of my health. I went to get my yearly physical, which I usually neglect to do unless its required for a job or psychiatrist; I went to the dentist to address some problems i’ve been having there, I’ve just been all around motivated to do things. I thought at first I was hypo, which i’m pretty sure I was when I had the moment of seeing my life stretch out before me, but its passed.
I’m comfortably euthymic and have energy, motivation, and am ready to take on life.